Scared


1: Scared of what I’m feeling. Scared of what I will feel.

People tell me to just enjoy the ride and go with the flow, but I can’t help but go Madam Auring and attempt to foresee what might happen next week, next month, or even next year.

As Dashboard Confessional puts it: [I’m] so sure that [you’ll] be leaving in the end. And, I do not want to feel that way because not all people are like (insert name of person who hurt me). I’ve been shutting people out–friends and family alike–because of my fear of getting hurt, but it just brought me to a place of anger and irritability. Now that I’m opening a few cracks, it feels so odd ’cause I just want to love the whole world–my CC (kahit hindi sila nagrereply!!), my LGG (kahit matigas ang ulo), my family (kahit ang kalat nila), and my friends (kahit disappointed ako minsan).

What is happeniiiiiing?!

I really hope and pray that I may be able to stop overthinking (fgdsfds/facepalm) and that this is worth it–for the friendship, at least.

***

2: Scared to make a decision. Scared to be wrong.

When I was a kid, I wanted so much to grow up and be an adult ’cause I was so envious of the independence and decisiveness that old people had. Now that I’m ‘old’, I can say that it’s tough to be an adult. It’s tough to make decisions that will affect your real life and not just your reputation or standing in school.

How long can I prolong the agony?

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