Meki 365: LSS


Today’s prompt:

Write whatever you normally write about, and weave in a book quote, film quote, or song lyric that’s been sticking with you this week.

If you have been an avid reader (naks) of my blog, you’d know that I love talking about my feelings. Part of it is due to the fact that I am not really able to show the real me to other people, afraid that they’d judge me, reject me, or ignore me. My blog, on the other hand, just takes everything in. Hurrah.

To keep you posted, I’ve recently been having difficulty sleeping because of confusion with some of my emotions. You see, I’m quite a seasonally clingy person. When you make me want you (not just in a romantic way) and then you ignore me enough — which is what I call the “fluff and retreat” — I end up wanting to be around you all the time. I won’t be super annoying naman all the time (minsan lang), but I’d want to hang out with you, kulit with you, talk about inside stuff, and the like.

The worst way that this could play out, however, is not having the same amount of clingy-ness reciprocated. To be honest, I’ve observed that when I get a feeling that someone is just “tolerating” me (trust me, I have a good Meki-annoyance radar), I end up wanting to walk away, probably because I get afraid of being rejected. And I think this is what I’ve recently been feeling.

I know that I have a lot of great friends who care, and I am really thankful to God for them! It’s just that there are phases in my life when I encounter certain people whom I want to super-friend. (Yup, THIS COMIC is literally my life.) And it just sucks when people we friend-love do not friend-love us back. Huhu.

The dream, thus, is to find a friend whom I can friend-love as much as he friend-loves me back, with the assurance that I am not just being a pabigat in life. Maybe someone who can “take my hand and drag me head first, fearless” and make me “dance in a storm in my best dress, fearless”.

The end. I should stop babbling when I’m palpitating.

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